Low mood again

Salam , Hi all

First of all, aku baru 2 minggu nak move dgn segala positivity cuba kutip celah2 yg ada. N now another thing happened . Baru baca blog ammar n aku baru perasan Pro exam lg 5 bulan 10 hari. Like seriously? aku ni dah la bodoh nak tukar mood rajin pun ambil masa berbulan. Tu baru rajin, belum lagi tukar bodoh ke pandai lg...hmm...sempat ke tak ni :(

Secondly, aku cukup stress dgn benda2 picisan yg xpatut dtg time tgh stress ni. Dgn JPA lembab mcm siput khinzir, case CWU kena curi, mid posting exam xbaca lg n now ak ada konflik dgn kawan pulak. Hmmm....study bodoh, berkawan pun xpandai....

Oh Allah, forgive me, give me strength to face all this

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GeBU

Assalamualaikum

Hi all. oppa saraghae

Alhamdulillah dah 2minggu posting baru psychiatry, Hopefully ada sinar di hujung jalan. Penat la jadi budak bodoh je memanjang. Dah la penat hd hensem pun tak habis2 lg...hmm...

Pagi tdi ada kelas. Biasa la psy ni, CP je memanjang. Dan case pulak sama je. So tgh boring2 dlm kelas teringat pulak nak baca blog radin n ammar yg aku lama tak bukak tu. Huhu banyak betul budak 2orang ni meroyan. Best jugak meroyan ye. Asal ade benda nak luah, tulis sampai lebam . Blog sendiri, xde siapa boleh halang kan :)

Ok, aku pun nak tiru lah korang. Tapi aku dah lama tak meroyan dan menyentap kat blog ni. Skill mmg tumpul sgt dem. Dah la kat draft tu kemain banyak post2 genre serius beratur sejak 2013 lg  lulz. 

And tadi tetibe teringat pulak masa year1 dulu awal2 tahun 2012. Masa tu lah GeBU ditubuhkan. and kita semua pun tetibe jdi rapat kan..Kemain dulu semangat. Konon nak buat komuniti bagai la.Tp mula2 tu berjaya jugak kumpul ramai blogger satu batch, tp then sorang2 quit. Busy study agak nye. So skrg ni, tinggal kita bertiga lah ye, Ammar n Radin. Hopefully, this turn to something good one day, thing to remember :)

kamil : Rindu betul zaman blogging dulu huhu. 

kamil II : ohh teringat kat "Planet Radin" hahahaha (radin, join la aku gelak)

kamil III : GeBU stand for Geng Blogger Medic UiTM. Ala blind je la 'M' tu... xkan nak GeBMU? Gila berbelit lidah nak sebut. Ngade.

GeBU's Rule!

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Budak bodoh tak suka jadi bodoh

Assalamualaikum..

Hai everyone. How r u doing? Please be fine :)

Minggu ini minggu duka. Dah lama xrasa macam ni. Kdg2 rindu juga. Ye lah, wake up call :)

Alhamdulillah, semalam habis pun posting medical. Posting yg aku ingat ada cahaya terang benderang di hujung jalan. Sekali sekala tu berangan jugak nak ambil MRCP or MMed after HOship, 6 minggu dlm medical ward kali ni, rasa best pulak gastroenterology. Ye lah, first week dtg ward jumpa cik Y, ada autoimmune hepatitis. Baik orang nya. Fifth week pulak jumpa Cik U, penghidap Wilson disease n Abg F, penghidap RVD n chronic Hep C. Sume baik2 belaka n i learnt so many things from them. Dulu masa Y4 berangan nak jdi cardiologist pun sbb yg sama. Masa Y3 je aku terhegeh konon konon minat surgery heh. Masa tu jumpa Abg samiro. Lama xdgr khabar dy. Harap sihat2 selalu. 

Tiap kali hujung posting mesti ada short case. Short case medicine hari tu on thursday morning. Ingat dah cukup prepare. Seminggu tak pergi gym nak focus short case punya hal ceh. Tp apa kan daya, wamakaru wamakarallah, wallahu khairul makirin. My short case was bloody terrible. Dont know why, but aku sejak dari Y3 lagi mesti dapat examiner malignant punya. Hari tu dpt dgn Dr C :(

"ohh man, this is ridiculous. U r fifth year right? "

"You have to read more!"

" Be more confident when presenting ur finding!"

Ohh pedihnya rasa .

N the result pun dah tau.. Failed both short case. Okey, cuba utk rileks.. Malas nak pikir sgt. Tp baru nak move on, result short case paeds posting lepas pulak kuar ptg tdi. Failed... Again? Long case masa Y3 dah la fail. Ni fail lagi. So sem ni aku dah 2 posting fail. Huhu terasa bodoh pulak. Dah Y5 pun bodoh. Dah pergi ward hari2 pun bodoh. Dah buat note berjela2 pun bodoh. 

Tapi bodoh tu subjektif. Ala mcm kacak itu subjektif (huhu rindu pulak kat blog aku masa awal2 tahun 2012 dulu). Setengah orang usaha sikit, bodoh dy dah hilang. Setengah org rajin mcm mana pun bodoh tu degil nak ikut jugak. Kena usaha lebih lagi lepas ni. Bodoh cepat berambus tau, sbb lepas ni aku lagi rajin :)

Seriously encik bodoh, please go away. My Pro exam in 6months time :(

That is one thing, another things is aku terfikirkan muka2 yg selalu mengharapkan aku jadi doktor, yang siang malam doakan aku kat rumah supaya habis 5tahun belajar dgn cemerlang. Tuu muka yg dok mengajar aku hari2 tak pernah jemu kat ward tu lagi..Hari2 dok frust ngan aku xdpt jawab soalan masa ward round, tengok ak examine patient tunggang terbalik... Sorry guys I have tried my best yet I disapointed u. But please hold on, im not giving up. Sy cuba lagi ya :)

Masih ada lg 6 bulan. Please pray for me :)

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tahun akhir

Assalamualaikum

Mashalla brother sisturr lama sungguh kau tak update dasar pemalas

Mmg ak pemalas nk bukak blog akhir2 ni. Sejak jadi final year ni kemain busy. Kalau bukan busy dgn patient2 di ward, aku busy dgn duktur2 membincang kes2 rumit sesambil kami berjalan serata hospital menuju ke destinasi masing. Busy punya pasal, diskus pun sambil jalan je hmmm... *muntah*

Aku hiperbola sikit jgn la sentap. Mari hashtag #alahgurausikitpuntakboleh lalu kita berhuhuhu

Ntah apa pasal aku nak update meroyan2 sket malam ni xtau la. Tak panjang pun, nak acah2 ayat hipsturr mcm gaya ana sharifuddin di instagram beliau tp xpandai, lalu aku main tulis menurut kata hati membawa aku pergi meninggal kan dirimu bla bla bla

So, just nak ckp aku dh year5. Yabedabedu nak grad dah pastu jadi al duktur harapan ummah gilang gemilang islam dimartabat senatero dunia gitu. Tak yah hepi sgt, pro exam lg 8 bulan aku ready satu haprak pun xde, Ohh yeah y4 dulu dah lepas dgn flying colour sekali. Kaler dakwat hitam je la sume, xde merah2 meow. Ok tipu, sepanjang ak kat medical school xpenah result gempak pun mihmihmih. So y4 hari tu ade 7 posting, 1A, 2B,4C hahahaha teruk okeyy

Skrg ni aku tgh first rotation year5 n start dgn paediatric. Nice la sgt paed amende yg aku ingt ntah. Tp so far boleh la catch up. nenonatology yg menggila kan jiwa raga ku wohoooo. N the most imporatnt thing dlm paed ni adalah 2 kali bedside dgn RKR wahaha. So adik2 junior sila study paed sejak y1 supaya korg boleh jwb soalan dato' dgn gilang gemilang sejajar harapan 80-80 KY.

*eleh, korg KY pun xkenal. Dasar budak hingusan*

Ok la, pendek je kali ni. Doakan aku survive y5 ni n grad on time. N grad dgn badan sado ketaq2. Ingat murah ke rockafella selayang tu? haha

Bye jumpa lagi. 

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Tough week.

Assalamualaikum

Its been a long time ago since I experience the same thing now. 2-3 semesters back if I'm not mistaken. Being in this kind of situation is not easy. But sometimes I miss it. Wonder why.

It comes again. Same things. Too many unsolved problems, too little time with exam is coming soon.2 days ago I lost my bag ( actually syakir's Nike bag) at Citta mall. My wallet, nexus 7 ( I love this gadget so freaking much ), matrix card, few medical books are the things inside it. Stress level 50%.

Back to sg buloh, realised I lost my logbook too. While the submission date in 3days, im completely freak out. Impossible to fill it back within this short period. So my plan now just send the empty new logbook with official latter of excuse n police report inside as the proof. Bad decision but at least im not cheating. Well somebody suggest me to cheat lecturers' signature.

Thanks you so much Dr Nadia :)

Now im in so called study week. Not sure if it is true, but im trying to put myself in this mood. Have few bedside teachings left, but i think its better for me to just stay in room n do some last minute revison. (note: writing this during my rest hour hahahaha). Im completely forget what the hell i learned during anaesthesiology posting. Need to catch it back immediately. But u know what, all my anaesth n surgical notes also inside that freaking bagpack. Stress level 99%. Ahh whatever, leave me alone n let me deal this with sobr n solah.

And again, Being in this kind of situation is not easy. But sometimes I miss it. Wonder why.

I guess it is call from God

حَسْبُنَا اللهُ وَنِعْمَ الْوَكِيْلُ نِعْمَ الْمَوْلَى وَنِعْمَ النَّصِيْرُ

وَلَاحَوْلَ وَلَا قُوَّةَ إِلَّا بِاللهِ الْعَلِيِّ الْعَظِيْمِ

Kamil

1)Please pray for me for this coming OSCE

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Itu ini

Semakin kau jejak usia, semakin kuat kau mengenal dunia. Semakin matang selusuri ragam hidup, untuk kau jelajah di dunia yang kau peluk.

Dan kau pula semakin hebat mencuba itu ini. Itu ini yang satu tika dulu kau anggap hanya pelengkap satu kitaran hidup atau memenuhi lumrah sang manusia. Dan kini itu ini  kau pula yang rasa.

Itu ini datangnya dari hati. Kau tak pasti tapi sentiasa selubungi. Terkadang kau abaikan, namun ianya hanya makin kuat. Terkadang kau kejarkan, namun ianya hanya makin sekat.

Kau tahu siapa diri kau. Kau tahu siapa diri nya. Kau tahu apa yang sama, kau tahu apa yang berbeza. Tapi kau tak penah tahu apa makna Itu ini dalam diri kau, dan kau juga tak penah tahu apa erti itu ini dalam dirinya. Kau tak pernah nak cuba tapi kau sentiasa nak tahu. Kau tak penah nak tanya, tapi kau juga yg mahu.

Dan bila kini kau dihadap satu krisis identiti, Itu ini yg kau pupuk sekian lama, kau pudar kan satu satu. Tetapi kau diam, sambil duduk di meja study yg terhidang teh suam dan biskut meri di petang hening, kau berbisik sendiri

"So I guess this is what my life going to be. I would follow this flow and see what I find along the way."

Kah kah kah

Aku meroyan lagi. Selamat malam assalamualaikum.

P/s: stress
P/s: Kadang2 kau perasan, kadang aku yg perasan so its better to make it clear.

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It really happen

Assalamualaikum

Finally thanks God orthopaedic posting was over. How I wish I can finish it with happy ending. It didn't lulz. Short case was bloody terrible. I just need some piece of luck for my next theory paper on february so that I will pass this posting.

Now new posting, Primary care medicine. Please God help me this time going it thru very very well. Rindu nya happy ending mcm posting surgery last year. Yea, didn't mange to get A but i just happy Miss zetty statisfied with my long case.

"OK kamil, very good presentation"

Life move on. People surround us do change. How they change, to where they change supposedly not affect us. But sometime when the one we rely on change, I can't stand by my own feet alone. Well this thing happen to any person, anywhere, anytime. But I just can't believe it happen to me hahaha

I don't why but I think this is the time i could correlate best friend forever and jealousy

Hahaha am I look so girlish?

PS: Come on bro, u 'leave' me because of a girl. Rindu nye lepak mcm dulu. U know right , its single guy chatting :)

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